I could sum this up in one single word, determination!
I had experienced a series of unfortunate events that would make your toes curl
in 2009. I knew that there was a story with a lesson in what had happened to
me. My creative brain would shape and form the story in the years following and
then just as quickly dismiss my ideas.
After all who was I to think that I could be as good as a
‘real author’. Imposter syndrome is synonymous with creatives in all genres,
and I was no different. But the thoughts and ideas wouldn’t go away until one
day I had it. I could describe the book in a couple of sentences and everything
that had happened to me suddenly made sense.
It was about four years after my series of unfortunate
events and I was ready to start my story, or so I thought. I started to write
with no real plan and every chapter felt hard. I had managed about fifteen
chapters and my idea was roughly taking shape. Then one day I sat on the sofa
next to my laptop and spilt a full mug of coffee over my laptop. My book was on
it, and I had no back up. I was devastated and decided that this was a sign to
give up.
I continued to rebuild my life and the more I moved forward
and healed the more relevant my story seemed to be. It reached a point where I
felt like I had a duty to tell the story to help others who were going through
difficulties or who had lost as much as I had. That is when the lessons within
the story started to take shape and become clear. Whoever I explained my two-sentence
idea to told me that I absolutely MUST write it. Those who knew me and were
watching me bounce back from rock bottom were saying I HAD to write it.
It wasn’t that I needed to give up on my story, I just
needed to understand the ‘WHY’ behind it. The why turned out to be a structured
series of lessons woven into the story itself, it was almost like a
self-development book, but it was a story. I questioned if I could achieve both
in one book?
It would be a full ten years after the trigger event in my
series of unfortunate events that I said, the time really is now. I started
writing that weekend and wrote 18,000 words in two days. The story just flowed
onto the pages. Once I hit that number, I started to write a structure for the
remainder of the book including events, timeline, characters, and outcome.
I wrote the book in three months. Then I taught myself how
to self-publish on Amazon and launched my book on 5th October 2019. It was such
a big learning curve for me. Becoming and identifying myself as an author,
marketing myself and my book. Learning once again from every step of the
experience, and it wasn’t smooth believe me. I made an error with the
manuscript and repeated a chapter and missed one out! There were spelling and
grammar mistakes. But I was able to self-correct to a certain extent and accept
that getting something out into the world even at only 80% good, was better
than not doing it at all.
The journey to becoming a published author is filled with self-doubt and fear. Questioning if what you have to say will be of interest to others. Questioning your own abilities. Fear of judgement and reprisal for your work. Then there is the ‘get a proper job’ crowd who are happy to tell you that you won’t make money from it.
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